Poem

Found this poem. We have another poem written by this father of quads, Jolly Old St NICU, given to us on Austin's first Christmas by my brother and sister-in-law. It was right after we'd lost our 2 youngest children and Austin was in the NICU for what we knew would be a long time after already being there for over a month. We were all too familiar with the NICU at that point and the poem hit so close to home.
So, the other day I found this poem written by this same man. Like I said he is the father of quads, but only 3 remain on Earth.  He wrote this poem for his daughter, Emily, that went to be with God around the age of 1 month old.  It speaks volumes for mine and Chris' emotions. They still continue to be all over the place, some good days and some bad days. We struggle with do we just be happy that our children are safe in Heaven or is it ok to wish that they were here with us? 
Christopher Brayden and Alexis Faith, not a day goes by that Daddy and Mama don't think of you several times a day. We have faith in our Lord that we will see you again and be with our Heavenly Father and you for all of eternity. We strive daily to live right while continuing to believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for us so that we may have everlasting life. As your oldest brother says, "We have Jesus in our heart."  I don't think there is any other way to make it past this journey than to have full trust in God's plan. We believe in His awesome grace and strength, seeing that He will carry us through anything- the things we do or don't want to believe that we could make it through. That being said, we are humans and not fully able to understand why we were placed on Earth to go through something like this- what we believe has to be the hardest thing that any human ever has to go through.
I recently spoke to a fellow mother of a micro preemie. Her son is 5 now, but has celebrated every birthday with Jesus. She said she has the same feelings- you learn to cope with the loss, but still miss them as desperately as you did the day they passed if not more. I believe I miss them more now than I did then, because as time passes it has been that much longer since I held my children in my arms. Can you fathom not being able to hold your child in your arms for almost 2.5 years? Another mother, I know, lost her infant son 20-something years ago. She said not one day goes by that she doesn't think of him and miss all the memories that she was never able to make. She isn't sure that ever gets any easier.  This poem, that I'm sharing, depicts our emotions so well. While we are grateful that our children are safe with our Lord, and continue to live life enjoying all of our many blessings- we still continue to feel as though something is missing as the minutes, hours, days, and weeks go by.


Even if you’re dancing with King David
And even if you touch the Savior’s Face
And even if you walk right next to Abraham
In a world that’s marked by joy and peace and grace….


And even though our lives are filled with laughter
And even though we celebrate each day
And even though we can’t believe how good things are
In this life that’s oh so rich in every way…


And even if our longing makes no sense to you
And even if you know no death or pain
And even if you’re happy every moment
In a place where all life’s problems leave no stain…


And even though we’ve had some time to catch our breath
And even though death’s sting does start to leave
And even though the future seems so bright to us
In this dwelling where it seems so odd to grieve…


And even if you’re smiling down upon us now
And even if you wait with open arms
And even if the thought of time seems foolish
In that realm that’s free from all our cares and harms…


Oh, even though we speak of you with fondness
And even though we proudly say your name
And even though we send your kisses skyward
One heartfelt thought still lingers all the same…


We just miss holding you

–written by Daddy, 12/31/06, after one full calendar year of missing our little girl