It's November. It has been 3 years, some days 3 LONG years and some days it seems as though it was only yesterday. When I think about how long it has been since those 3 sweet babies were inside of me, alive and well, it doesn't even seem real. . . kinda wondered if I dreamed it all? Were we really expecting triplets? Did God bless us with 3 children all at once?
Thank God one of those precious miracle is still with us to love on each and every second of every day- and I do mean every second because he doesn't sleep - it's really weird- but nevertheless I can't help but be grateful that I can love on him 24-7. He often comes to our bed during the night and we find him sleeping soundly between us, and it's so hard to take him back to his bed sometimes. I always seem to quickly be able to remember those raw emotions of his time in the NICU and just praying that he'd make it and live. We'd see that he was doing truly remarkable for his gestational age despite the daily too often scares, but it was so hard to believe that we'd actually get to watch him grow up. And, now we're doing just that. Austin needs to grow a little better (he was only 22 pounds 14 ounces at the dr a few weeks ago), but we just can't help to be grateful that he is here, his tiny self and all.
November is a time when others remember what they're grateful for as they celebrate the holiday Thanksgiving. We are truly grateful for our life as a family. Our 6 children mean more to my husband and me than we will ever be able to put into words. I could spend everyday stating something else that I'm thankful for when it comes to mothering these 4 babies. I'd be lying though if I didn't say that at the same time my heart yearns to mother my other 2 children. I will always and forever be a mother to six children: Bradley, Austin, Brayden, Alexis, Cameron, and Davis. I sometimes daydream what it'd be like to have all 6 here. Life would be crazy but oh so blessed.
I'm rambling. I'm sorry. There is so much I want to say, and I can't type fast enough to keep up with my thoughts. This blog is such a source of healing for me, because not everyone can handle talking about it. I love when someone can handle it though, because it helps so much. Grief is something that I don't wish on anyone and yet know that everyone will experience it on some level in their life. I pray though that no one has to experience the grief of losing a child. We just aren't built for this. One person described our journey as being "thrown a curve ball." And, that frustrates me because until you experience the loss of a child you truly have no idea.. . I really try to remind myself that people sometimes just don't think things through before they say them and sometimes make absent minded comments. I describe it more like the pitcher hitting the batter. That is probably the best analogy to describe the hurt and emotions that we've experienced if you stick to the baseball analogies. I say we aren't built for it- but what we are built for is to lean on God and we've done just that. We've leaned, cried, screamed, been carried, etc over the last 3 years. And, perhaps this was God's will because he wanted us to learn to FULLY rely on Him. I'm not sure I'll ever know what the reason is for all this- maybe in Heaven, but maybe in Heaven it won't matter. Perhaps we will be so busy worshipping God and fully enjoying that- that all hurt will be erased forever from our minds.
So, it's November. An absolutely beautiful time of year. I love the fall. So much to do and you get to see God's beauty everyday during autumn. .. . ~ deep blue skies ~ gorgeous autumn leaves in hues of orange, yellow, and red ~the cool breeze is so refreshing. Then, there are all the wonderful things like warm fires and hot chocolate that warm our souls as we prepare for the holiday season. A special time to make memories with family picking apples, the SC State Fair, picking pumpkins, trick-or-treating, college football, and just enjoying the nice weather as a family fills our calendar every year during fall. So, we're always assured that God will fill our heart with many good thoughts before, during, and after this hard month. God is so good! I'm so thankful for our awesome God who made the ultimate sacrifice for us, my wonderful husband and life partner in every way, and my six beautiful children.What do you have to be thankful for?